


More Than Enough

by escapetoimagination



Category: The Bletchley Circle, The Bletchley Circle: San Francisco (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Make them canon in season 2 you cowards, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:27:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23576905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/escapetoimagination/pseuds/escapetoimagination
Summary: The mood was light, and conversation flowed naturally between the group. Hailey, quite the precocious thing even before getting a few drinks and good laughs into her, turned the attention of her ever-curious mind to her new friends.“Have you ever been in love, Millie?” Hailey asked innocently with big wide eyes as she looked at the older woman.
Relationships: Millie Harcourt/Jean McBrian
Comments: 2
Kudos: 52





	More Than Enough

Laughter filled the air as Millie and Jean listened to Iris and Hailey talk about the crazy dinners they’d had with Iris’ family in the years since they met during the war. They had been at the bar for close to two hours now. The mood was light, and conversation flowed naturally between the group. Hailey, quite the precocious thing even before getting a few drinks and good laughs into her, turned the attention of her ever-curious mind to her new friends. 

“Have you ever been in love, Millie?” Hailey asked innocently with big wide eyes as she looked at the older woman.

Millie was a bit taken back at first before putting her drink down and looking at Hailey. “Yes, I have.” She answered leaning back in her chair. Unconsciously she glanced over at Jean only to see that she was already watching for her reaction and answer.

“What happened?” Hailey asked blissfully unaware of the gravity that had entered their conversation and the looks being shared by the Brits.

Iris however had noticed the change in Millie’s tone and body language even before seeing the looks Jean and Millie were giving each other. “Hailey this is none of our business. Millie doesn’t need to answer that.” 

“It’s quite alright.” Millie said to the group. Brushing some hair out of her face, Millie sent a reassuring look to Jean after seeing the questioning look on the older woman’s face at her willingness to share.

“We met during the war. We made plans to see the world together after all of it was over. When the time came to get on that train and go, I was the only one there.” Millie said shrugging it off. “Apparently travelling the world was unnecessary when you could have a nice conventional wedding and two kids right there at home.” She said before lighting up a cigarette.

“Gee Millie, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you sad. He must have been a real dummy to give up the chance to go travelling with you.” Hailey said big eyes full of sympathy and anger on Millie’s behalf.

Millie pursed her lips to hide her chuckle at Hailey’s assumption and saw Jean blow air out her nose at the suggestion of it being a man she had fallen for. “Thank you, Hailey, but it all worked out for the best I think.”

“What do you mean?” Hailey asked confused 

Millie smiled and took a puff of her cigarette before continuing. “At first, I was heartbroken, but I combatted that by forcing myself to experience as many new and exciting things and cultures as I could. Even if it wasn’t the way I planned, I got to see the world. When we reunited a few years ago we spoke about that time and I made my peace with it. I don’t know what they would do if we had the chance to go back and do it all again, but I know that I wouldn’t change a thing.” 

“Really?” Hailey asked surprised. “You wouldn’t try and make him go with you or stay with him?”

Millie hid another smile behind her cigarette. She could tell that Hailey wasn’t completely straight, yet she was still assuming it was a man. It amused her. “No, I wouldn’t.” She saw Jean raise an eyebrow in surprise at that but continued with Hailey. “We both made our choices and no matter how I felt back then I wouldn’t trade what I have now for anything. All of the choices I’ve made in my life, both good and bad, have led me to this moment and there isn’t anywhere else I’d rather be.”

Hailey smiled her bright, sunshine grin at Millie. “Well that’s real sweet Millie.”

A comfortable silence fell over the group before were interrupted by the ringing of a phone that made them all jump a little. Laughter rippled around the table. “Well I think that my cue to head home. My family will well and truly be asleep.” Iris said gathering her stuff and standing up. 

“I’ll give you a ride.” Hailey said to Iris standing up also. “Thank you, ladies, for a swell evening.” She smiled at Millie and Jean before her and Iris took their leave. 

Millie and Jean smiled at the young woman before standing and grabbing their coats. “Shall we head home?” Millie said offering Jean her arm.

Jean nodded and took Millie’s arm. “Thank you.” They walked in relative silence as Millie was still in quite a reflective mood. It had been a while since she had thought about the old days and what she went through with Susan and for the first time she felt like she could revisit that without needing to have a good cry by herself afterward. She hadn’t really noticed that Jean still hadn’t really said anything since the conversation began.

Once inside the apartment they began talking off their coats. “Shall I make us some tea darling?” Millie asked heading to the kitchen.

It was silent for moment before Jean finally spoke. “Did you mean what you said back there?”

Millie had just put the kettle on the stove and turned to face Jean. “Did I mean what?”

“That if you could go back and change things with Susan you wouldn’t?” Jean asked watching the younger woman closely.

Millie leaned against the counter. “Yes, I did. You more than most know how much Susan and I meant to each other. I don’t think I ever thanked you for your silence back at Bletchley.” She said softly.

“You don’t need to thank me. There was enough darkness going on, if you girls found some light in each other who was I to deny you that.” Jean said brushing it off. 

Millie smiled and took Jean’s hand squeezing it gently before letting it go. “Anyway, it turned out that it wasn’t meant to be. When she walked away from me that first time my heart shattered. I spent so many nights playing the dreadful what if game. What if I had tried harder to get her to come? What if I had stayed with her? What if she always knew I wasn’t enough for her? All those fun things.” Millie sighed. “Eventually those thoughts and feeling subsided. When we all reunited some of it came back. Seeing her again and knowing we could never go back to what we were made for a lot of empty bottles and sleepless nights. But things started to change, and I started focusing on having my little family back. Lucy, Susan, you, and me, the dream team. With Lucy it was like having my little sister back and I had missed the relationship I had with you at Bletchley too, but now with a bit more even footing. When Susan decided to go overseas with Timothy we talked, and it freed me from a lot of the pain and questions I had been holding onto for so long.” The kettle started whistling so Millie paused to take it off the stove and got their cups ready. “I’m so happy where I am today. Whatever heartache and pain I had to go through to get here I would do it a thousand times over.” She said as she poured their tea. Turning to Jean she handed her one of the cups before following her to the couch.

“What makes here so special?” Jean asked after they had sat down.

“Well for starters, being in a different country feels like a new beginning. I’m a clean slate here. Not to mention that I get to help people with someone who means an awful lot to me.” Millie said smiling softly at Jean.

“We were helping people in London.” Jean stated ignoring how the last part made her feel. Millie always was one to shower people with affection, so it probably wasn’t anything special.

“I know. But it felt like we had fallen into a rut over there. Mediocre jobs, friends who were all moving on with their lives without us. This city has breathed new life into us and I for one am grateful for that.” Millie said.

“You keep saying ‘we’ and ‘us’ like you and I are a package deal.” Jean said trying to make a joke, but she really couldn’t help but notice how much Millie included her in her reasons for why here meant so much to her.

Millie took a sip of her tea and leaned back in the chair. “I guess I see us that way now. Millie and Jean.”

“What if I had gone back to London?” Jean asked.

A pained look came over Millie’s face. “I don’t know. I don’t like to think about that.” 

They sat in silence for a long while before Millie spoke up, her voice much quieter than usual. “Watching you walk away from me that day on that porch knowing you didn’t want to come on this adventure with me, I had only ever felt that kind of pain once before.”

Jean’s breath hitched as she tried not to read too much into what Millie was implying. “It didn’t feel much better when it seemed like me being in London wasn’t enough for you to come back with me.”

Millie turned to face Jean. There was a chance she was about to reveal too much but she was hoping it would be ok due to the look on Jean’s face and the emotions swirling in her eyes. “You are enough Jean. More than enough. I don’t know if I really would have been able to go through with staying here if you weren’t here. You mean more to me than you’ve ever known.”

Jean still didn’t know if she was reading too much into what Millie was saying or if she even wanted to hear what she was thinking it meant so she decided to focus on what she would consider a safe topic. “Don’t be silly Millie. You would have been able to go through with this just fine. You’re one of the most, if not the most, headstrong person I know. You have all the courage in the world. This would have been right up your alley.”

Looking down at her tea, Millie traced the rim with her finger. “I know that I’m the independent adventurous type, much to the dismay of my family, but it was never a question of if I was brave enough to stay here and start over. It was always a question of if I could handle starting over without the one person I need in my life.”

“But what about all the time you spent looking for apartments and seeming so certain you weren’t coming back to England with me?” Jean said trying to process all this information and the emotions they were stirring up.

Millie let out a breath of a laugh. “That was me hoping with every fibre of my being that if I spent enough time talking about what life could be like here it would convince you to stay. I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t decided to stay and I’m so glad we never had to find out.”

Silence fell between the two women. The longer it went on the more Millie began to worry she had revealed too much. Jean was trying to understand if what she thought, and surprisingly hoped, Millie was trying to tell her was real or just the drink and late hour. 

Eventually Millie couldn’t take it anymore and she broke the silence with something that had been on her mind for a while. “The day you told me you were staying I was ecstatic. The one thing I wanted most in this world was coming to pass.” She said while keeping her attention on her cup. “But then after that faded away, I remembered your reasons for staying. Not one of them was me. You said how it hurt you feeling like you weren’t enough for me to come back to England, I’ve felt that way twice. When you walked away from me on that porch and when you decided to stay but not because I was here or anything I did.”

“That’s where you’re wrong silly girl.” Jean said affectionately as she gently reached out and took Millie’s hand. Hearing and seeing the pain in Millie’s voice and on her face settled all Jean’s worries and fears. She was now sure of how she wanted this conversation to end and she was going to make it happen. “I kept putting off packing and leaving because I didn’t know if I could face going back to London without you. You were right. There was nothing for me over there. I was just passing the days with no real purpose. You were the one constant source of excitement and joy in my life. I didn’t know if I could go back to London without that. I was trying to be brave and maybe just a little bit stubborn and stick to my guns about leaving but every time I put another item in my trunk my heart broke a little more. I think I had the same thought process as you, that if I talked enough about going back you would change your mind and come with me.”

Pausing there, Jean leaned forward and placed her cup of tea on the coffee table before sitting back and turning to Millie. Not for the first time she realised how close they were sitting to each other. It seemed to have become a habit of theirs, subconsciously, to have at least one point of contact whenever they sat next to each other. Whether it was their knees just barely resting against each other or their shoulders brushing, it seemed they always felt the need to be close to each other. 

Moving their joined hands into her own lap Jean looked at Millie. “Sure, I needed to have some time away from you to realise what I really wanted but ultimately it was always going to be because of you. Whether I stayed or left I couldn’t picture doing either without being by your side.”

Millie heart had been beating faster and faster since Jean had first started speaking. She had been supressing certain feelings since they had come over here and probably longer if she was being honest with herself. The way that Jean was looking at her put her heart in throat and made it hard to swallow. “It took me a little bit to realise but I know now whether it’s London, San Francisco, or Bletchley even, going home means going wherever you are.”

“Oh Millie.” Jean choked out as her eyes started to get misty much to her annoyance. 

“Jean McBrian, before we cross a line we can never come back from I need to know if you want this like I do?” Millie said studying the Scots face as she hoped with all her heart the answer would be yes.

Before she even saw the absolute devotion, want, and nerves in Millie’s big beautiful eyes Jean knew the answer was yes but she couldn’t get the words out so she just nodded.

Millie let out a little laugh of disbelief before the biggest, most beautiful smile broke out on her face. “Well alright then.” She smiled before leaning forward and resting her forehead against Jean’s.

Jean took a moment to just breathe in the woman that had come to mean everything to her. This was it. This was what she wanted to spend the rest of her days doing; making this stubborn, strong, incredible woman smile the way she was now. To challenge her and in turn help them both grow as individuals and together. 

A soft whisper filled with so much emotion broke the content silence that had fallen over the two women. 

“I love you Jean McBrian.”

Millie was sure her heartbeat could be heard by the other woman as she finally confessed the feelings that if she was being honest with herself had been growing inside her for the last few years.

“And I you Camilla Harcourt.”

Hearing her full name being said in that beautiful Scottish voice that she loved was the final push Millie needed to capture the other woman’s lips with her own.


End file.
